The best recruitment jokes and memes
It’s time to take a break from the typical stats, figures, heat-maps and news posts. Today we bring to you some of the best recruitment jokes the internet has to offer!
In no particular order whatsoever, here are 21 of mine and my colleagues favourite recruitment jokes, memes and more.
1. I’m Responsible
A recruiter says to a candidate, “In this job, we need someone who is responsible.”
The job applicant replies, “I’m the one you want. In my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
2. Listening Skills
A recruiter asks a job candidate, “How long were you in your last position?”
The job applicant replies, “I’d say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.”
3. Salary Expectations
A recruiter asks a candidate, “Why do you expect such a high salary when you have no experience in this field?”
The job applicant replies, “Well, the job is much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing.”
4. Cleaning Mirrors
“I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s really something I could see myself doing.”
5. Bus Driver Interviews
6. Why do you want this job?
Interviewer: Why do you want this job?
Candidate: Well, I’ve always been really passionate about not starving to death.
7. I really want this job
Interviewer: Tell us a little something about yourself…
Candidate: I’d rather not, I really want this job.
8. Sell me this laptop
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said “I want you to try and sell this to me.”
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said “Bring it back here right now!”
“I said, “£200 and it’s yours.”
9. Describe yourself…
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Candidate: Verbally, but I’ve also prepared a dance.
10. Every time
11. Sick day
“I’m calling in sick with an eye problem. I can’t see myself coming in today.”
12. Why aren’t you working?
Boss: Why aren’t you working?
Employee: I didn’t see you coming…
13. I’d like to hire you!
“Your CV is bloated with half-truths, false praise, exaggeration and unsubstantiated accomplishments. I’d like to hire you to write our Annual Report.”
14. Willing to relocate?
Interviewer: Would you be willing to relocate?
Candidate: Of course, where would you like me to sit?
15. We’re here to help!
Manager: “If there’s anything you need please hesitate to ask.”
Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job?
Candidate: The company relocated the office and forgot to tell me where it is.
17. Under pressure
Interviewer: How well do you perform under pressure?
Candidate: Not bad, but I do a great Bohemian Rhapsody.
18. You’re hired!
Employer: Why do you think you would be a good waiter?
Candidate: You could say I bring a lot to the table…
During a job interview yesterday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly.
“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.
I simple replied “No, I always give 110%”
20. Dress for the job you want
My boss told me, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Wonder Woman.
21. Why did you leave your last job?
A recruiter asks a candidate, “Why did you leave your last job?”
The applicant replies, “It was something my boss said.”
“What did your boss say?” they asked.